Diary: A Day in the Life of the ChickenGod

7th/8th/9th/10th/Somethingth March 2011

So here I was, sitting in the back of an ambulance, speeding towards the hospital. It was the summer of 2011, and yesterday was my first day at a new school. And not just any school, but the prestigious Melbourne High School, where applicants had to pass a grueling examination period in order to be accepted into the school. I had been lucky enough to be accepted and was eager to make a good impression on my peers and teachers. But instead, I was being carted away to the hospital where they would cut my stomach open like a fish. Of course, this wasn’t what I was thinking at the time. If you want a concise and accurate depiction of my thoughts at the time, it would look something like this:

It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. [censored] It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. Oh god, it hurts. It hurts. It hurts. Man… why does it hurt so much? It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. Hope there’s nothing complicated like internal bleeding or anything. It hurts. It hurts. Gah! [censored] It hurts. It better be something simple like appendicitis! (It turned out that it wasn’t) It hurts. It hurts.

‘So, Kevin. If you were to describe your pain, would you say it would be a stabbing pain, or a throbbing pain?’

Shut up, random paramedic! Can’t you see I’m in pain here? Uhh… stabbing or throbbing? All I can say is… It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. Lessee… stabbing, or throbbing? I can’t really tell… Stabbing or throbbing… It hurts. Stabbing or throbbing. [censored!] Stabbingorthrobbing. Stabbingorthrobbing. Staborthrobstaborthrobstabstabstabthrobthrobstabstabstab. I really can’t tell! [censored!]

‘…Th-Throb…’ I gasp out finally.

It hurts. It hurts. Oh no! Today was photos day. I’m going to look stupid on my ID card, and on the form rolls and in the class photo. (It turned out that I didn’t) It hurts. It hurts. All my classmates are gonna remember me as ‘That kid who went to hospital to get his stomach cut open’. (They actually called me ‘The guy who got stabbed’ after taking into account the large scar across my abdomen the operation left me with. I later adopted this epithet officially, as it was shorter and more efficient than explaining the whole convoluted situation.) Oh sweet Jesus, it hurts. It hurts so [censored] MUCH!           

‘So, Kevin. On a scale on 1-10, with 10 being the most intense, how intense would you say your pain was?

Shut up, random paramedic! Uh… it hurts. It hurts. It hurts. 7? 8? 9? 10? GAH! If I go too high, they might think I’m a weakling who can’t take pain… screw that! It hurts. It hurts. IT [censored!]HURTS!!

‘8’, I mutter almost incoherently, as I was curled up in a ball, with my face on my knees.

Uh… It hurts. It hurts. Man, I’m gonna be sooo behind on class work and stuff. I hope I don’t have to make it up when I get back. [censored!] It hurts. It hurts. Aaargh! Fuuu…. Somehow, I don’t think I care that much anymore. I just want this [censored] pain to stop!

‘So, Kevin. On a scale on 1-10, with 10 being the most intense, how intense would you say your pain was?

Shut up, random paramedic! Quick, make up a random number! Ooh… It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.

‘9’, I wheeze.

Man, Melbourne High is so big. I’m gonna get so lost when get back… after I get rid of this [censored] PAIN! I’m never going to find where my classes are. It hurts. It hurts.

‘So, Kevin. (Shut up!) On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the most intense, how intense would you say your pain was?’

Shut up, you [censored] random paramedic! If this were a story, you’d be the antagonist! Stop asking me mundane questions! It hurts. It hurts. Random number, random number…

‘9.23…recurring…’ I snarl irritably.

Being in an ambulance is cool. It’s got all this cool stuff. It’s really… cool. Yeah, cool. Ah! [censored!] It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. Damn it! I can’t keep my mind off the pain! Oh no, that random paramedic is opening his mouth. No, don’t you dare ask another mundane question!

‘Alright, Kevin, we’ll be arriving at the hospital shortly, so rest easy. Your pain will soon be over.’

Thank God…

‘But before we arrive, on a scale on 1-10, with 10 being the most intense, how intense would you say your pain was?’

[censored!] [censored!] [censored!] [censored!] [censored!] [censored!] [censored!] [censored!] [really censored!] [censored!] [censored!] [censored!] [censored!]   

   

True Story.

Kevin Tang 10F

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3 thoughts on “Diary: A Day in the Life of the ChickenGod”

    1. Haha, in the end, it wasn’t appendicitis. It was an intussusception, which was apparently more complicated/worse that appendicitis. It required major surgery, which is in contrast to appendicitis, which only usually utilizes keyhole surgery to fix. I missed about half of Term 1, but I’m pretty sure I’m fine now, even if I do have a damn impressive scar across my stomach.

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