Three Problems Associated With Working at a Fast Food Restaurant

When the summer holidays began at the end of last year, I decided I wouldn’t sit on my ass for six weeks straight as I usually do, and got a job at a KFC restaurant. For almost five months, I was truly one with the chicken, but at some point a few weeks ago I realised I simply couldn’t be bothered working, sent in my two-week notice of resignation, and returned to my lazy ways.  I bade farewell to my co-workers and, with Golden Gaytime Krusher TM and Popcorn Chicken SnackboxTM in hand, I ambled my way out of the store for the last time. For those of you who are considering getting a job at such a place, here’s some cautionary advice, for not everything at KFC is delicious…

The Accents

Here’s an example of a conversation one will experience at least once while working at the front:

Me: Hi! Welcome to KFC. What can I get you?

Fellow of South-Western Asian descent: ultimootbugameelwitcolslowinsteadofpotatoogrovy

Me: Uh… what was that?

Fellow of South-Western Asian descent: ultimootbugameelwitcolslowinsteadofpotatoogrovy

Me: Uh… say again?

Fellow of South-Western Asian descent: Ultimootbugameelwitcolslowinsteadofpotatoogrovy!!

Me: OK… I’ll just get my manager…

Manager: Hi! Welcome to KFC. What can I get you?

Not being racist or anything (I’m totally being racist) but I have had customers that make Apu from The Simpsons seem as eloquent as The Queen of England. Be prepared for some tricky Asian and European accents, or you will be left dumbstruck with a frustrated customer.

The Dumpster

Changing bins isn’t so bad, right? You take out and tie up the plastic bag in use, replace it with a new one and chuck it in the dumpster at the back. However, the seconds spent in the general vicinity of this dumpster are the most putrid  and nose-torturing seconds of one’s life. At the bottom of this dumpster is a formless and hideous sludge, one that cannot be cleaned, for no one dares to try. If you wish to return to the restaurant with your senses intact, you must hold your breath and get rid of that plastic bag in as little time as humanely possible.

The Music

While the dumpster may scar ones sense of smell, nothing can compare to the curse that KFC will wreak upon your eardrums. To keep up a “pleasant” atmosphere, the songs that are ‘super hot on the charts’ are played, and after many repeat-listenings, it can lead one into a state of utter despair. All those hours spent building up a fine taste in music; a repertoire consisting of GOOD musicians such as (INSERT FAVOURITE BANDS HERE), can feel like they are for naught, for the dreadful blight that is mainstream pop pulverises all the Eudaimonia once possessed due to enjoyable music. This playlist of songs is comprised of mostly computerised, sexualised and poorly-grammaticised drivel, with very few exceptions. It is, in this not-very-humble writer’s opinion, the worst part of working at a fast-food restaurant. Of course if you listen to mainstream pop music, it wouldn’t bother you so much, but then again; why would you be reading this?

In reality, working at a junk food joint is a pretty fun way to earn cash and gain experience as part of a friendly team. However, it is of the utmost importance that you are warned of these three things before you consider applying for such a place. Thank you for reading – may all your Ulimate Burger Meals be good ones.

PS: I may have been exaggerating just a little bit while describing the quality of mainstream pop music.


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